Surviving the "gut punch"

What a week! In one short week we have had two major clients unexpectedly put everything on hold. Talk about a gut punch!

The reasons are different. One has had an unexpected shortfall in revenue. The other has operational issues that have pulled them so far down into the weeds that they are totally in reactive mode.

How am I doing...honestly, not great. It is taking all of my years of practicing emotional intelligence to navigate this.

Navigating the challenges in life

When circumstances bring you to your knees, what do you do? Well, as long as you are on your knees, praying is a good start. Then it is time to get up and start practicing emotional intelligence, specifically managing your emotions so they don't derail you or keep you stuck. It is OK if you have to take some time to process everything. I know I need that. Here are some steps that have helped me:

• If you are a person of faith, start with prayer.
• STOP...and realize that while this may be overwhelming in the moment, it is not the end of the world, better days are ahead.
• Start by making a list of things you can immediately do to move forward.
  • Who can you talk to?
  • What can you do that helps in the short term.
• Use this time to "think outside the box". What new possibilities might be available?
• You have 3 primary resources; time, focus, and energy. Make sure you are using them well every day.
• Take breaks during the day to let your mind rest and do something positive. Take a walk, clean up a mess, listen to some music, meditate on positive things.
• Create small goals that you will feel good about achieving. You can't fix everything all at once.

You can probably come up with other things that will help you.

If you really want to dive deep into how to better manage your emotions for the best results and outcomes, here is a link that will give you 3 free training videos:

Click here for 3 free EQ training videos

How EQ skills help

I started this talking about the "gut punch" and how to survive it. It can come in so many forms: loss of a job, loss of a loved one, loss of control, failure, a bad diagnosis, making big mistakes, conflict, and the list goes on. So how can something like EQ (emotional intelligence) skills help? Let me be more specific.

I will speak from my current situation and how I am navigating my circumstances but will relate it to what you might be experiencing. I have already explained my situation, now I want to explain the path I am taking to work through this. I am going to list an EQ skill and then tell you how that skill is helping me.

• Navigate emotions - this skill and competency of emotional intelligence (self-management or self-regulation) helps me to stay away from major pitfalls that can often happen when dealing with strong emotions. What are these pitfalls? Allowing emotions to keep you stuck. Dwelling on the emotions until they become a repeating cycle that eats up available energy, focus and time. Over expressing or suppressing emotions...there is a healthy balance of sharing emotions in a way that is not destructive or damaging to yourself or others. Taking emotions and the energy they provide and repurposing them for more productive efforts and better outcomes.
• Recognize patterns - This is a competency of self-awareness. I know my patterns because I have spent years working on strengthening the ones that help me and changing the ones that do not help me. When I experience a "gut punch" situation, there are several patterns that immediately come to mind for me. Some of these are old and more negative patterns that I have changed that I know to not even start down that pattern pathway. Others are more positive patterns that I know will help carry me through the immediate impact and put me on a good path forward. Those patterns are probably similar in each of us, but also unique to each person.
• Emotional literacy - this skill is all about understanding the emotions you are having and how they impact you. Emotions, especially strong emotions, can easily hinder our ability to think at higher levels. Problem solving, critical thinking, decision making, logical thinking can all be negatively impacted by strong emotions if we let that happen. Knowing what emotions you are having and how they impact you allows you to better navigate those by using the more positive patterns I have discussed previously.
• Optimism and Intrinsic Motivation - these 2 EQ skills tend to take the biggest hits when you experience a "gut punch" event. Here is the key to these important competencies. You have to store them up ahead of time! It is not natural to display optimism when something negative happens. However, if you have built up the internal resource of optimism, you will be able to draw on it when you need it. The same is true for intrinsic motivation...motivation that comes out of your values, purpose, and beliefs. Intrinsic motivation is critical in this type of situation. Why? Because it is the source of energy you draw on to move you forward. External motivators are not working well at this point, so you need a good internal "battery" that will give you the energy you need to move forward.

The cure for the "gut punch"

It is never a comfortable time when you experience something that has such a negative impact. The cure is based in the key areas of EQ; self-awareness, self-management, and self-direction. The amount of time we choose to live in the detrimental emotions will determine how long it takes to start moving forward. Yes, I did say choose to live in the emotions. This is a scientific fact, the initial emotional impact is short lived, but we can choose to experience that emotion or set of emotions over and over, which creates a cycle of emotions that keep you in the same place.

Please hear my intent in this. Some "gut punch" events are more impactful than others. The loss of a loved one is massive. I know this as I have lost many loved ones in the last few years, including my oldest son. I am not saying, "just get over it." There are times when our emotional environment will be heavily impacted by great loss. Will EQ skills help in these times...yes. But each of us will grieve differently. Every loss is like that. Each loss will impact different people differently. And that is OK. My intent is to share what I have learned and provide some insight to a pathway that I know will help people.

I guess that is it for now. I am thinking of starting a new YouTube Playlist about this...and let people experience the journey with me. If you want to see our other YouTube Playlists we are easy to find: EQFIT

Thanks for reading this. I hope it helps...if not now then sometime in the future.

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 Copyright © 2023 EQFIT® - Author: Steven Goodner. All rights reserved. No portion of this material may be reproduced in any form without permission from the publisher, except as permitted by U.S. copyright law. For permissions contact: [email protected].