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Influence Anyone

#emotionalintelligence #eqfit #influence Sep 26, 2022

One thing we all have in common...we need to be able to influence other people. Have you noticed that highly successful people seem to be able to influence others easily? This is not luck or coincidence. Influence has defined elements.

Connection + Trust = Influence

Seems too simple doesn't it? But this is the equation to gain influence. Think of influence as a bank account, and this equation as an investment model. The more deposits of connection and trust building, the more influence you accumulate. This works no matter what your role is.

Why do I call it an "investment model"? Because that is what it is. You are making an investment into a relationship with someone else. Investments of genuine connection. Investments of building trust. The ROI (return on investment) is that you increase the influence you have with that person.

Ever try to influence someone where you don't have any influence built up?

Probably not the best outcomes. Why? Because you have probably been more focused on your needs than theirs. For the purpose of this discussion, let's look at "influence anyone" in the context of sales.

Here are some questions that I would like you to consider:

  • Do buyers come to you begging to give you money so they can be one of your clients/customers?
  • Is all you need to meet your sales goals a good sales script?
  • Does every lead convert to a sale?
  • Are features and benefits the things that make a sale happen?
  • Does waiting on your CRM system to generate a notification to reach out to a prospect drive your sales revenue increases?
  • Do AI based marketing approaches make the sale for you?

The answer to all of these are no, not by itself. All of these are useful. Have you ever heard the phrase, "Nothing happens until a sale is made?" I like to take that one step further, "No sale is made until influence is applied appropriately." Where does influence come from, a salesperson connecting with at least one person making a buying decision.

Side note...this is just as applicable to leaders as it is to salespeople. Leaders have to "sell" their vision, direction, ideas, and change initiatives.

People are different

Now there is a thought that needs no explanation. People have different personalities, different experiences, different ways of thinking and getting things done. If everyone were the same, selling and leading would be so much easier...but not as exciting! I know, that is my personality coming out. I love the challenge of learning how to work with different people. There is a richness in that diversity that inspires me to be my best, to do my best.

So, how do you influence people of different personalities and styles? By understanding that there is a common denominator. Emotional drivers. I talk about these all the time, but what do I mean by emotional drivers. The best way I know how to express this is to share a true story with you.


I was sitting with a business owner recently who was concerned about his leaders. Here is what he you take this in, listen for emotional drivers:

"Steve, I am concerned about several of my leaders. They appear to be stuck and I cannot figure out what is going on. This is really frustrating. Why won't they come to me and discuss this? I feel as if they are afraid to speak up or maybe just not up to the task. If I have to replace some of them, I can do that, but I hate having to go through that process. I see potential in all of them but how long is it going to take to get them where they need to be?"

This is just a small portion of the conversation. I identified 7 different emotional drivers present. Some of these emotional drivers are more subtle than others. Having been through many of these conversations over the years, I know I have to identify and address each of these before the owner will be open to my ideas or solutions. The beauty of this is that I have a proven process to do this. Using emotional intelligence skills (EQ) I can navigate these emotions and redirect the conversation and focus to more strategic outcomes.

Influence Anyone

This is what I mean by being able to influence anyone. This is not a magic formula. It is proven science (neuroscience) that if you can connect and build trust while appropriately navigating the emotional landscape, you can gain more influence that can be applied at the right time in the right way. This is not manipulation. This is a genuine desire to understand the perceptions and perspectives of others (empathy) and then utilize your own internal resources (internal motivation, optimism) to create the best path forward and build a mutually beneficial relationship.

Back to our Investment Model. Something interesting happens as you invest more deposits of connection and trust building. You move along a continuum that expands the relationship and the influence you have with that other person. For a sales person, it looks like this:

You start as just another salesperson. But as you invest in connection and trust building, you move to preferred vendor status. If you make enough deposits of connection and trust building, you will eventually end up as a trusted advisor. What does a trusted advisor look like? It is when one of your clients/customers calls you to ask your advice on something that is not even related to what you have done for them. You have become one of their trusted advisors, top of mind, someone they can count on to give them good advice.

The key to being able to influence anyone is to understand that we are all human beings. We all share similar needs, desires, dreams, and challenges. We all suffer loss, disappointment, discouragement. We all experience fear, anxiety, and stress. We all know excitement, joy, and celebration. These are the common emotional threads that bind us together.

If you only invest in one skill set development, I encourage you to choose EQ (emotional intelligence). It is the one skill set most predictive of success. Even better, it crosses over all barriers from work to life to relationships to community.

What is success without satisfaction? What is achievement without belonging?

Want to be able to influence anyone? Start with understanding your own emotions and how they impact your decisions and actions. Then you can begin to truly understand this in others. From that comes the ability to authentically connect and build trust, which leads to the influence you are seeking.

Copyright © 2022 EQFIT® - Author: Steven Goodner All rights reserved. No portion of this material may be reproduced in any form without permission from the publisher, except as permitted by U.S. copyright law. For permissions contact: [email protected]

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